stickyfingers

Song for new beginnings

As I sit, waiting for this star to fall, I wonder how it will be.  Each movement brings an unfurling, as I open myself to new life within.

Arms ache to hold this so precious bundle.  To hear those first cries, to see a face at last.

And I fill myself with each passing breath, cleansing my soul , living in that moment.

Waiting is hard, waiting and wondering.  But as this babe begins its journey, I am filled with anticipation.

May you come into peace little one.  I will carry you on your way.

New life, old beginnings

I was on the path to greatness.  My babies growing up, 9 years of mothering behind me, I was ready to face the world.  To take up the banner of freedom our mothers fought for.  I was there.  Going to have it all.

Then, just as I set upon my path, my footing wavered.  Not much, a child sick, time at home.  I steadied myself and carried on. 

Another stumble.  A little one struggling at school.  Plans were put aside awhile to give some time to help him out.

Then the eldest reached greatness of her own.  Flying through the water, championship dreams in her eyes.  Who was I to bring her down, to withhold my time, love and support for her greater cause.

After, I kept on walking.  And then it happened.  Not so much a bang, but just a murmur.  The murmur of a tiny heartbeat, beating its own rhythm.  Those first grainy, black and white snaps, printed in the cold, clinical walls of the doctors room yet full of hope and joy.

And as that heartbeat grew stronger, so the path before me broadened.  And with the promise of new life beginning, I stop and rest awhile at the grassy verge.

As I sit by the roadside, I feel humbled.  In my haste, I had forgotten the sound of children’s laughter.  I once more felt the warmth of small arms embracing and kept them there awhile, relishing the moment.

I have been given the gift of looking at my children through fresh eyes.  Of seeing how fleeting a time it is we have with them, before they are off and gone, following their own destiny.

I celebrate the joy of a new arrival, feeling every movement with wonder in my heart.  And I look at the blessings I have laid before me and my soul fills with gratitude at such riches.

Heavenly Sounds

I’ve started a heavenly sounds list.  As you can see if you look to your left.  It’s part of a pact with Simon to listen to more music and watch less TV.

So far we have managed three nights without telly.  I wavered last night, faced with a washing mountain to fold.  But I knuckled down without it and …amazingly!?!….got the washing done and dusted in record time.

The resolution comes from realising that we had stopped talking to each other.  That as soon as the kids had gone to bed – which seems to be eating further and further into the evening – we were flopping down on the sofa, telly on, plate of food on our lap.

There was a time when we sat down and ate at the table together every night.  Took some time to talk, catch up on the day and make decisions together.

I’m not sure if I can relinquish the comfort of soft furnishing of an evening now, but I am willing to keep the channel changer off in an attempt at reconnecting.

The added bonus is that we are also getting stuff done at night.  As in, work, research, time on the computer, family planning (and not in the biblical sense).  Getting to bed earlier is also part of the grand plan.  We’re building up to this one – currently averaging six hours a night, the ultimate aim is for a blissful sweet eight hours of slumber and restful repose….a yearned for number that has been a long time coming.

And so, I have been reacquainted with our music collection.  Hence the small beginnings of a list on this blog.

The Abba is not a usual night time selection but I felt duty bound to include it as it is currently the most played album in the house, courtesy of the children.

They have gone Abba mad.  Dress ups, dance routines, Abba in the living room, Abba at full volume in the garden – something I am sure our neighbours are less than delighted with but at least it gets it out of the house so we can hear ourselves think, even home made Abba in the car (the car stereo is thankfully out of service!)

It’s all very well.  Indeed, I am an Abba tragic so it has been a rather nice step back in time.  At least, at first. 

However, we are both hoping the excitement will soon wear off.  I am thinking a treat of the movie with a firm limit then set on how often in one day the album may be played is the way forward.

In the meantime, think of us all being Dancing Queens, young and sweet, dreaming of being only seventeen, feeling the beat of the tambourine.

 
Guess who is the ringleader in this latest craze?…..

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Birthday Boy

Its been birthday week in our house.  Kai has turned seven - where did my baby go?

Actually, its been really exciting.  This years birthday stash has been themed on science, the Earth and space.  We've been busy experimenting, making hydro powered cars, looking at the moon through his new telescope and learning about how messy making a multi-coloured volcano really can be.

The celebrations culminated in a super cool BMX party at our local bike park.  We had pinata, soccer and dunkin' donuts..
and of course, the BMX challenge..

the races...

the thrills... 

and the spills!! Straight into the ONLY muddy puddle on the course! 

It was a great party. Monster First Aid kit only needed once and all children dispatched home with legs and arms intact - a success in my book!  Next year, skate boarding and tree climbing - bring it on!

Big boys can cry

I am not allowed to kiss Kai at school anymore. Its been going on for a few weeks, the scurrying off to class without so much as a backward glance. I deliberately haven’t said anything, letting it slide. I've had fleeting thoughts of stalking his classroom and announcing that he had forgotten something – namely to say goodbye to his mother – but quickly banished them in a bid to appear at least reasonably sane to the schoolyard Mums.

However, the other night I got an unexpected cuddle. Sitting on the sofa, reading stories, this warm little body snuggled in and gave me a great big bear hug.

I was so surprised, I forgot to be cool and promptly asked him why he had stopped the morning goodbye kiss.

He looked a little crestfallen. I think he was hoping I hadn’t noticed…as if!!!! Then he said, “because everyone will see me.” And clearly, if seen, age seven, to be doing something as completely uncool as kissing your Mum, then you are ripe for the teasing.

The thing is, it’s not the kiss I feel sad about. Indeed, I may well be lucky I got to Year One with a proper goodbye intact. 

What saddens me is the loss of innocence, the ‘boys have got to be cool’ factor that has already set in, at such a tender age. He’s seven years old, for goodness sake.  And already he has learned that boys aren’t supposed to show their feelings or openly express affection.

A friend of mine is going through a breakdown of his marriage.  He is in deep distress over what is happening.  Last week, he talked of the family home he had just finished building.  He said that men might not be very good at saying it but that each brick and tile laid in that house was out of love for his wife.

I want my son to learn to express himself with words as well as actions.  And whilst I respect Kai’s right not to be teased at school, I will do my best to teach him that there is another way.  To teach him to show love before it’s too late, to communicate his feelings and emotions.  Teach him that big boys really do cry.

Friday thoughts

I often have thoughts to write down. But many of them are little snippets of observation.  Not enough to fill a proper blog.  So I have started with the idea of five thoughts.  For when my mind is in overdrive with lots of things, or I'm short on time or ideas.  So here are my five thoughts for a rather dull and cloudy Friday.

1. He sleeps.  Finally.  Having spent a good deal of the last two hours grizzling, building up to a cacophony of crying within the last twenty minutes, my two year old finally sleeps.  Resisting all the way, even to me gently swaying the car from side to side in the manner of a drunken lunatic on the way back from swimming lessons.  The eyes were rolling but he fought hard all the way.

He finally succumbed to the old baby favourites, snuggles in one hand, warm milk in the other.

And so we have peace in the house.

2. I am a domestic goddess.  In the quiet of a sleeping toddler and a preschooler immersed in Sesame Street, I have baked blueberry muffins and made some pizza dough.

I feel proud, very proud.  Just let me hitch up some cleavage and slip on some strappy heels and you may call me Nigella.

3. Today, at the pool changing rooms, I saw not one but two women in G-string undies.  And both, when fully dressed, had them peeping out over the top of their jeans.

Now I have a vague recollection that that was the ‘in’ thing a while ago.  But I’m pretty sure its no longer in vogue and whilst I defend the right of all women to wear exactly what they want when they want…and that includes pyjamas to the beach if they so desire (been known to happen in my house, when Kai said for his birthday treat he wanted the whole family to go for a swim before breakfast, which according to his stomach can never be much past 6am).  Anyway, whilst I believe women should wear whatever they want, I seriously struggle with the concept that the g-string gives any comfort what so ever. 

Please correct me if I’m wrong..although it may take some convincing.

4. Today it is 22 degrees.  Warm to some I know, but when yesterday was well over 30, it feels a little chilly.  The crazy Australian weather means that green snot man has been through our house again.  Cashar is in the lead, having produced at least 2 litres of the stuff this morning.  But Maia is sniffling behind him and there was a definite bungedupness about the older two today.

Hurrah for the change of season.  I better get myself off to the chemist to stock up.

5. My children tidied up this morning.  All it took was one extra big shout and they were scurrying around like bees.  I was most surprised and grateful, thanking them all the way to school.  Isn’t it great when the all co-operate at the same time?!

The Library Visit

We went to the library yesterday.  In the current economic climate and having paid off a whopping $30 fine in overdue fees last visit, I was faced with two choices.  Either curtail all library visits in the knowledge that I am completely hopeless at getting books back on time or go more regularly in the vague hope that we will then return books by the due date. 

I went with the latter but the children were under strict instruction to only choose two books each.  Part of the problem with overdue books is that the kids have difficulty choosing one book over the other and so proceed to try and borrow the entire children’s section, so as not to miss out on a particular juicy book.  Step a day over the due date and at $2 a book, it soon mounts up.

So having reached an agreement on the two book status, in we went.

There I was, feeling self righteous and happy in the knowledge that I was leading my children along the path of literature and learning.

Here’s how it went:

Jasmine, my 8 year old, has developed an addiction to the Rainbow Fairy series.  All very well but I feel she should broaden her horizons, challenge herself a little and start reading something with a bit more content.  On my request, her older cousins in the UK sent her a long list of their favourite books, alphabetically listed and in suggested age order. Fabulous.

Kai, next in line, always goes for the fire truck, emergency rescue non-fiction stuff.  Great but I need to sneak in a few early readers for those times when he forgets to bring them home from school.

Maia, number 3, tries to fill up the entire shopping basket with books and then breaks all the library noise rules when you try and take them out.

Cashar, aged 2, acting 2, being very 2, thinks the library is great because the doors open automatically, allowing toddler freedom straight into the path of all the high street traffic.  Interest in books – nil.  Interest in endangering himself and any other little people he finds – 100%.

And therein lies the challenge.

I concentrated on Jasmine and tried to engage her in choosing.  She found a Where’s Wally book and a friend and made her disinterest clear. 

In the interim, Kai is behind the desk with the librarian, ordering in truckloads of emergency rescue books from other libraries just in case the10 he has under his arm don’t see him out the week.

Maia is emptying the shelves and Cashar, forgotten in the pandemonium, is busy trotting out the door with a newly found toddler friend in tow.

As I scoop him up, wailing, it fleetingly occurs to me I may have made the wrong choice in the ‘to library or not to library’ decision.

Nevertheless, hell bent on my task, I return to the young fiction section.  Jasmine is nowhere to be seen so I grab two books off the shelves that match the cousin list.  I give up on the early readers and wilt in the face of Maia’s book mountain she has created.

We go to the check out desk.  Cashar has seriously had enough of being carried so I plonk him on the desk, to a disdainful sniff from the librarian.  I gather the flock in a ‘come here now’ sort of voice that is definitely above the hushed whispers of other library users.  We check out the books and make our escape.

Back in the car I heave a sigh of relief and ponder for a moment.

This is definitely part of my problem.  I was faced with two choices – the easy option, which most sane people would choose or the Mummy option, which was to do the right thing at all times by your children.

And I guess, whilst one should always strive for number 2, sometimes, to save my sanity, I need to be content with allowing things to be slightly un-perfect for a while.

Hmm, lesson learnt - I think? Must remember to pull out the ‘too hard basket’ every once in a while and file library visits in there…at least until the current stash becomes overdue!

Getting started

It’s taken me a while to get things going.  Constant interruptions to feed children, collect from soccer, take to the beach or put a lego fire truck together form my excuse but the reality is I always find other stuff to do around the house.

But here I am. On-line and bringing you into my world, if you want to spare a minute to share our life.

This blog is my way of keeping in touch with family and friends on the other side of the world.  Life in a household of six gets busy and time passes by without contact to those we hold dear.

I often think of loved ones.  Funny moments happen that link me to the people that form my past and present.  Living in Australia makes it difficult to share these moments with those back home in Europe.

Home for me is both sides of the world.  Home for my family is rooted down under, a life of sun and big skies, of surfing and outdoors, a childhood I am learning through the eyes of my children.

And love it though I do, my connections are important.  This is my way of keeping that going.  Of connecting more often than through the Xmas newsletter that gets lost in the madness.

I hold fleeting thoughts of grandeur with this blog.  That visitors will engage and maybe, just maybe, it can kick start my career as a writer.  But these thoughts pass by and what will be, will be.

So welcome.  To family, friends and fellow parents.  To anyone just scrolling through.

If I entertain, connect to your own experience or touch your heart, I will be blessed.

Parenting is journey.  Alone it can be a rough and rocky road.  But shared, we can rise to the challenge, finding love and laughter on our way.